Unfinished Works: from the grocery story to canvas
Hey there and hola!
Art has a remarkable ability to transform us into better versions of ourselves. The painting I’m currently working on is unfinished and will undergo for several more iterations before I consider it complete. At its current stage, I’ve chosen to incorporate writing into the composition. I’ve added some mathematical notations and words like “cheese,” “my son,” and “I had a meltdown.”
These words reflect a recent, humbling experience I had at a local grocery store. It all began when the self-checkout scanner failed to register the price of a slice of Parmesan cheese. After multiple failed attempts—four, five, six times—I snapped. I tossed the cheese down on the counter, not once, but each time after beyond the sixth failed attempt, creating what I’m sure was an unpleasant scene. But the spectacle itself isn’t what I want to focus on. Instead, I want to explore the thought process behind it, as self-awareness is essential for personal growth and practicing self-kindness. My mind had spiraled from a simple feeling of intense thirst to an overwhelming rage against Parkinson’s disease for taking my husband away. Now, here I was, unable to perform a basic task. I could scan everything else in the cart, except for that piece of cheese.
Dehydration, which clouds judgment and impairs decision-making, combined with the deep sense of powerlessness that grief brings, created the perfect storm for that outburst.
There are many lessons I could extract from this embarrassing episode. I suspect the customers around me simply saw just another gringa loca with an attitude problem and, perhaps, a significant mental health issue. I don’t blame them for thinking that way.
The main takeaway, though, is that compassion can be a practical solution. All I really needed in that moment was a glass of water, not even understanding. So, I’ll start by being kinder to myself and carry a water bottle whenever I go out.
Returning to my painting, it helped me unravel why I lost control in the grocery store. The issue wasn’t one of morality or mental health. It was about the challenges of living with grief. When you lose a partner, you must re-learn how to meet your basic needs, needs that your partner would have helped you manage before. Adapting to life alone without that support takes time.
Take care of yourself in art and life.
Until the next canvas